I was hoping that when I came back to Colorado, I wouldn't love it. I was hoping that my heart would miss Monterrey just enough, to make it easier to head back to Mexico after Christmas break. The thing is, I love Colorado so much it hurts. I don't want to leave here right now.
A lot of my troubles from this past semester have been self-inflicted. I made mistakes, learned from them, and am still dealing with the aftermath from some of my decisions. I just keep hoping that Monterrey will get better. Why hasn't it yet? Most of my heart keeps saying, "Why did I sign up for another year here?" I know, I'm being pessimistic, but I can't look past it right now. My heart is here in Colorado and I just can't seem to let that go.
The reality is, I DO live in Monterrey and I WILL be there for the next year and a half. How am I going to make it a better experience? I've been reflecting a lot and have come up with a few thoughts...
1) If I want my Spanish to get better, I have to stop hanging out with Americans and school friends so much. I don't exactly know how to meet people outside of school, but I am going to try. If I stay in the bubble, my Spanish won't get better.
2) I want to stick with one church and try to connect with people inside of it as much as possible. Sure I am a tall gringa, but hopefully, they can look past that, and accept me for who I am. I have a good lead of a church near my house. I am going to try it when I am back in Mty.
3) I need to lower my expectations of what Mexico was suppose to look like for me, and accept it for what it is. My experience is not necessarily the "real" Mexican experience. Monterrey is SUPER Americanized and I speak in English the majority of the day. I'm not immersed in Spanish or Mexican culture, and, that part is not going to change. I think once I let that go, I can take Monterrey and ASFM just for what it is.
4) Pray, pray, necesito orar, pray, necesito orar.... jesuscristo sabe que necesito en monterrey
The thing is, when it comes down to it, I LOVE Mexico. It's just not the expeirence I thought I would have. I am not immersed in Spanish or Mexican culture like I wanted to be. I don't have many Mexican friends like I thought I would have. The thing is, God doesn't make mistakes. He didn't send me here because he messed up. I'm here and I'm learning that I am going to have to look outside the box to make this experience more than just school and work. I just hope I can go back to Monterrey and find a new way to experience Mexico. I can't go back to the way it was. I need a new start.
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