When I heard this, I started to cry. I cried because this is exactly what Juany needs, a family to love her. A the same time, I just feel sad and disappointed. For the past two weeks, God has flooded my heart with passion to help those who are poor. When I say a flood, I'm underestimating the journey God's taken me on throughout this past week. I'm not sure if I can put it into words, but I felt like I was actually making the changes to live the way God has asked us to. I felt like God had ignited a flame in my heart and was showing me something I had always been made to do. It felt liberating. And for the first time, not a whole lot else mattered. All I wanted to do was continue digging into this passion God had given me.
I would be lying if I didn't tell you that I feel really let down. God, you took me on that emotional ride, and now this? A change in plans? Why God? Why can't we live together? Why would you put the option out there, change my heart for it, just to take it away? I don't get it. It's not Juany. I'm happy for her. I just really felt God screaming YES on this one.
But if I've learned anything recently, its that this journey isn't about me. I'm just a part of something so much bigger. Juany has such an amazing chance to change her life! How could I not be happy about that for her?
What this means for me, I'm not sure. I have this apartment but no roommate. Do I turn around and come back to live in San Pedro? No. I've come too far to turn back now. And so I'm going to trust. Maybe God ignited this in my heart to show me what I'm truly passionate about. Maybe He did this to direct me to someone else like Juany who needs a roomie? I'm not sure what's going to happen.
But I'll wait.
"Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him for God is our refuge."
-Psalms 62:8-
1 comment:
oh wow. feeling your emotions on this one hannah. god will work out the details of what this means. ask him to tell you
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