My brave and courageous friend Caroline has been the "encorgada" (caregiver) for the boy's dorm at Casa Hogar Douglas for the past three weeks here. These boys range from ages 2-6 and have not been given the finer things in life. Abused, neglected, abandoned, they have been through it all. It breaks your heart.
Knowing Caroline can't take care of 14 niños by herself, she asked if I could come and help her for a few days this week. Today was my first day in the dorm. I spent the day playing baseball, eating cupcakes, watching movies, playing soccer, collecting bugs, chasing niños around a huge soccer field, bathing them, and putting their hearts to bed.
You can't stay long before the hurts in their hearts come out.
It's watching their "parents" come on visitation day to see their kids for a few hours, just to turn around and leave them again.
It's watching the boys that never have visitors wait around, just to find out their "parents" are not coming, and probably won't in the future.
It's walking in and seeing Marco upset because his mom had just dropped him off. I sat next to him for a long time, but he wouldn't let me rub his back.
It's watching them hit and scream at each other. Not because they mean to, but because it's the only thing they've seen growing up.
It's watching Miguel hug me and say "te quiero hannah" right before he fell asleep. He had apologized to me earlier on for hitting another boy in the face. He looked at me and asked if I would forgive him and gave me a huge hug.
It's Alexis, who only knows me as "Hannah Montana", ask me if I wanted to sleep next to him tonight.
It's watching Fernando, an un-diagnosed autistic boy, kick and scream and cry, just because he really needs a mommy.
I had my heart broken tonight. Bathing and putting to bed 14 orphans was quite possibly one of the most challenging things I've done in a long time. Yes, exhausting, but just so hard on the heart. I tried to picture myself in their shoes. I grew up with a family that loved me; they haven't had that. I felt like I got to see a tiny piece of what really breaks God's heart. I think sometimes we think our money and donated clothes are what can really help these little ones. Sure, those definitely help! But honestly, its just love and affection. They just want to be held and loved on. They need a mommy.
I cried on the way home tonight. My heart just hurt for them. They are so precious. God loves each and every one of them more than I can comprehend. I pray that he can tell them they are loved when they feel upset. I pray that he can hold their hands when they want to be held. I pray that they can see just how precious they are in His sight.
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