(most only once) and then I was back on the plane again, getting ready to land in Joburg. When I got back here, I literally slept for four days straight. My body was exhausted. I needed a vacation from my vacation.
A month back into Joburg, I'm starting to feel settled again. One thing I've learned about myself is that I thrive when I have a routine. While I'm not the most organized person in the world, schedules are great for my soul. I like to know what's going to happen and how I'm going to do it. I think that is a big reason why I am having such a hard time trusting God with future decisions. I want to know what's going to happen, without waiting, without trusting, without having a plan.
My handsome boyfriend and I need to make some big decisions soon. My contract is up at ALA in June, and I can't seem to find another job in Joburg. I've applied to a few schools here but recently got turned down. I am also waiting, waiting, waiting on my visa. I've applied to grad school back in Colorado and am waiting..waiting..waiting. While David has a job here next year if he wants, he is having a hard time finding something in the Boulder/Denver area. I just want to know where we'll be. I try to trust, try to be still, yet I struggle.
God loves me enough to help me work on my impatience. He wants me to trust Him and trust him fully. The pastor at my church last week talked about a faith that trusts. God's time table never seems to match up to ours. God waits until we literally want to sue him for not showing up, and then he comes through. He always does.
It's not a coincidence that I got a job at ALA three weeks before I left for Joburg in August. I waited during that period of life, I can wait now.
My dear friend B sent me an email this morning and said something simple, yet comforting. She said, "Hannah, next year, you will do something and you will live somewhere." It's the truth.
Waiting builds trust.
So I wait while God holds me tight.
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